IRL vs. Digital
Relationships can be so hard to navigate especially with friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends and even cousins. They just seem to get sticky at some point -and I always come back to one thing, communication. As hard as we try, or think we try, most of us lean on social media and texting to communicate with each other. How many Tik Toks have you seen when people are laughing and wishing that someone just texted them instead of calling? It feels like we do everything to hide behind our phones. Heck, I grew up in Texas and had people drop in to visit on the daily – but today, if your doorbell rings and you haven’t set a plan with a friend, you stare at your Ring app and then exhale when you see it’s just another Amazon delivery! What the heck people? How about IRL…how many times are you hanging out with friends, and all of you are looking at your phones? Be honest! I can’t tell you how often I go to a restaurant or the beach and a group of people is congregated together, and none of them are talking to each other, they’re looking down at their phones. Why get together if you aren’t going to hang out and enjoy each other’s company? This is not judgment, it’s pure inquisition from someone who didn’t grow up in a digital world. What about dating…when you chill out, watch Netflix, and you’re each on Snapchat with other people. Really? Again, so very odd to my generation. If someone could explain it, I’d be thrilled.
Let’s take the job interview process. When you are interviewing for a job, I’ve always found the best thing to do is to notice everything around the interviewer. What are they wearing, do they have any family pictures on their desk, do they have a football or a baseball in a fancy case? Because when you start to notice these things, you can mention them to the person who is interviewing you. You might say, “I notice that you have a football on your desk”, to which they may reply, “Oh yes, this is a signed football from such and such” And now, you are starting to build a rapport and make a genuine connection because they take note that you took note of what’s of value to them. Does this make sense? In other words, if you arrive for an interview and your fallback position is to stare at the screen on your phone, and now you’re faced with a real person and you freak out because you can’t look at your phone, it’s critical to learn to connect. By the way, if you’re shy or just don’t have those skills yet, you can practice them. Let’s say you get uncomfortable around other people, especially when they are in a position of power, and make the decision as to whether or not you get this particular job or into a certain school or program, it can be intimidating. You can practice communication skills with your friends, or your family. Literally, make it a point of walking into a room, taking notice of what you see, and testing your skills. Your mom may be coming in from work and she’s dressed nicely, (some days she’s in her workout gear) – so you ask her “How was your day today”? She may reply, “Wow, you wouldn’t believe the knucklehead that came in at the end of my shift”…and you take it from there. Once you start to see how to genuinely connect with other people, family included, it makes it easier when you are going out in the real world and have to connect with your professor, your new boss, and make new friends.
This leads me back to relationships. How often do you make assumptions or rely on unspoken understandings because you do everything virtually and through social media? Do you sometimes feel like you lack communication skills? Have you ever ghosted someone? If you answer yes, this is a great example of a lack of communication and coping skills. Absolutely no judgment – this should help you to grow. If you ghost someone, it’s because you don’t want to face confrontation and let that person know what’s really bothering you. Maybe you are just done with this relationship because it’s no longer serving you and don’t have the skills to let the other person know that it’s over. This is a good time to work on that. And you’re lucky, because if you can’t do it in person, you have the option to send a text, (obviously I recommend in person, but that takes time),. But when you’re the one who gets ghosted, it’s awful. Am I right? It can feel like death because you have no idea what happened or what you did to deserve it. Just think about how important it is to have these skills to help you navigate life. I understand wanting to avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable. But that’s okay. Just because life is very digital these days, does NOT mean that you have to live your entire life that way.
As we started this conversation, relationships can be tough. Staying in touch with friends if you go to different schools can be challenging. But the more work you put into it, the more you will feel the rewards of having good friends and family that you can count on. And the more work you put into your communication skills, the easier it gets. Please don’t get too bogged down in the digital because we aren’t living in a world of robots… yet!
Go call a friend, don’t send a text, and meet for a walk or for coffee. You got this!
