People Pleaser - yay or nay?

Let me start out ask you a few questions so we can figure out if you are a people pleaser who may have trouble with boundaries.

Here goes:  

If someone asks, do you give them your phone charger if you are on 10%, but they asked nicely?

If friend asks you to watch their dog, and this dog is a high maintenance little bitch who gets treats every time the little princess poops, and they need you to stay at their house for a few days to take care of it, do you say yes?

Have you ever taken a co-worker’s shift when you really didn’t want to, but you felt guilty for not jumping in and helping because if you don’t show up, it will put a huge burden on the rest of the team who does show up?

Have you been “That mom”, the one who agrees to take the volunteer shift in the classroom that you have no desire to do, but the kids needs someone or they won’t get to do said activity that day?

Have you ever said yes to something for no reason other than the fact that you couldn’t say no?

While I’d rather cut off my lips and stomp on them in my high heels before I tell you the truth here… if you’re vibing with some of these things and your answer is yes, you may be a people pleaser.  Trust me on this, if you don’t break the habit NOW, it will follow you and it will get worse.  I’ve worked with a few women who have tremendous boundary issues and once we do a deep dive, it comes out that each of these clients had had a very difficult time saying no.  A few people realized that they had made huge life decisions, such as the men they chose to marry, what job they should take, or where they chose to live, based on someone else’s idea of what they should do.  It sounds insane but at some point, this happens to all of us.  Think about it, it’s easy to ask someone else their opinion, and then blame them if something goes wrong.  And we feel good when we make other people happy by letting them walk all over us. (Not really, but this is what ends up happening when we constantly say yes to things we don’t really want to do).

Guess what ladies… people pleasing doesn’t make us a hero.  We aren’t saving someone else when we say yes.  If someone can’t make their shift at work, it’s not your responsibility. Period.  We need to get it out of our head that if we don’t fix it, something awful will happen.  For some of us, making our own decisions can be daunting.  I know that sounds odd, but ladies, we have some seriously co-dependent relationships.  There are some people who won’t even decide what to eat or wear without another person telling them.  It’s kind of cute at first, but this turns into something bigger that can turn into a monster if we let it.  Do you want to be the person that everyone can rely on when they want to go out and have a good time because they know that you will be there to catch them when they fall?  You will pick up the slack, watch the dog, take care of the house plant, whatever it is, you got it covered.  Or do you want to be the person who can say no with a smile, go out and have fun, live your life and start feeling like you are in charge.  I for one, want to be in charge.  Yes, I’m your friend and I’m happy to lend a helping hand, but HARD no on the door mat relationship.  It’s time we own our decisions, empower ourselves to do what’s right for us, and for the love…we stop worrying about what other people think!