Is your daughter experiencing anxiety?
Does your high school daughter, or college age student experience tremendous anxiety over their future? Does she have the case of “I should be doing…”? “Does she tell you she doesn’t have time for an “I love you” text because she is too busy to even read it? Is she in the library studying 24/7 and has zero balance in her life? If so, sadly, she is not alone.
Recently, I had an incredible awakening. I was so excited to get my Jay Shetty Certification so that I could talk to “New” empty nesters and help them re-purpose at this very daunting and bizarre stage of life.
I was so ready to help women tackle this (What some view as depressing) stage of life… but as soon as my website went live, I immediately started receiving requests from moms about their daughters
Don’t get me wrong, I know how tough it is to be a girl, especially in Southern California, and the amount of drama that goes on, but I’m not talking about the day to day stress of hitting the coffee shop, working out, going to class, eating right, finding a friend to homework with, and then dialing into plans for that evening kind of stuff. I’m talking about, “My daughter isn’t eating, sleeping, or finding balance in her life. She’s enormously stressed out about her future and what she think she “Should be doing”. Of COURSE, I’m here for your girls, but let’s step back and analyze what is going on because we need to address this as a group.
Anxiety is one of the biggest concerns for college students. I could throw out tons of statistics but you don’t need to hear the numbers to know that it’s a total shit show. How do we see it manifesting…Here some very alarming and yet sobering realities of anxiety and depression.
Suicide
Withdrawing from school altogether
Withdrawing from friends and social gatherings
Binge drinking and taking drugs (ADHD to help them focus) mixed with alcohol
Not sleeping
Self- harming
What is going on that our kids feel so much pressure to do the right thing and make the right choice as if their life depends on it? Going to college and being away from home is scary. You’re meeting new friends, trying to find “your people”, adjusting to class and homework, finding the class on a campus you aren’t familiar with, learning how to do your laundry and live on a tight budget…not to mention your own personal stuff you have going on. The list is endless, yet all of us went through it and I don’t recall ever saying the words “I’m so stressed”. We didn’t talk to our parents except for maybe once a week when they called on the hall phone and woke up all your friends on Sunday morning (sorry guys), we couldn’t text our squad to find out where they were on campus, we didn’t all go to school with at least 3-5 kids from our high school…so what gives?
Enter cell phones and social media. Wow, cell phones are creating so much isolation. We have gotten far away from community and a “We” mentality. Today, it’s all about the “Me” mentality. And you add in social media and perfect everyone’s lives are, it’s the perfect storm. Now these girls want to look a certain way, get the right job, take the right classes, have the right friends, and the list continues. Why does social media which we all know is a bunch of crap, get to tell girls what success looks like?
I want to talk about community for a second. I have such a vivid memory of dropping our daughter off as a freshman 3000 miles from home. When my husband and I went there, every single door on the hallway was open, music was blasting and everyone was in everyone else’s rooms introducing themselves. Today, all the doors are closed, apparently, they automatically lock so you don’t just walk into someone else’s room. And when I did follow one girl into her room to introduce myself and our daughter, she looked at me like I was a serial killer…oh and her new roommate was sitting on her bed with her head buried in her phone. Yikes – tough crowd!!
Fast forward to this past weekend when we dropped our son at his University and he moved right into a fraternity house. He is living on a “porch” with 28 other boys, they are packed in like sardines. It was loud, chaotic, and everything that demanded community and bonding. One of the best things was seeing the older brothers come in, during the chaos, to walk around and make sure that each kid was doing okay, figuring it out, introducing themselves. If I could write a chapter on how to do it right, it would be the boys from this fraternity. As a mom, my heart was full because no matter what happens, he’s already found his people. Speaking as a mother, all we want is for our kids to be happy…but the calls I’m receiving are next level – they aren’t about their daughters finding happiness, they are about how do I help her, she is struggling and I’m in over my head and I can’t find a way to fix it.
Moms, there is no fixing it and one thing I’ve learned in coaching is that we are never offering advice because that goes in one ear and out the other. Our girls need someone to talk to. We all want to be heard, and have someone who will deeply listen. No judgement, no telling you what you should do or how you should do it …just listen! So much more on this…I’d love to get your thoughts on what WE can do as a community of strong women to combat the anxiety epidemic!
